The great Ellen vs Zooey showdown!
Last week, someone posed an all-important question: Ellen Page or Zooey Deschanel?
It was a tough question. It’s like asking someone whether they’d prefer to not have a knob shoved up their arse versus not having a kettle of scalding hot water poured over your nipples - you’d rather have both.
In any case, it was a question that couldn’t go unanswered so I posed the question to the internetz to decide. But before we get to the winner, here’s my 3 minute rundown on what I think about Ellen and Zooey:
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ELLEN PAGE!
Good:
- Quirky, intellectual, strong personality, probably has more balls than M Ward.
- Won’t take herself too seriously, probably more fun to hang out but more ‘random carjacking’ instead of ‘playing house in Ikea’.
- Will probably look exactly the same for another 15 years (see Natalie Portman).
Blargh:
- Being quirky, intellectual and having a strong personality = high chance of going lesbo.
- Seems comfortable enough with herself to not take baths or brush her teeth if she didn’t feel like it (see Matthew McConaughey).
- The snarky, witty, social outcast with surprisingly good taste in music mould gets tiring after the fourth movie.
Meh:
- Playing a godawful Kitty Pryde in X-Men III.
- Incapable of wearing dresses without looking awkward.
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ZOOEY DESCHANEL!
Good:
- Quirky, multi-talented, pretty-faced, has strong enough personality to possess more balls than M Ward.
- Evidently, owner of the cooler name between the two.
- Looks like Katy Perry.
Argh:
- She’s married to Ben Gibbard. Ugh.
- Supposedly allergic to eggs, dairy and wheat gluten. This spells high potential for being allergic to lots of random shit like ‘the stereo playing too loud’, ‘unwashed dishes in the sink’, ‘driving way too fast’… etc.
- Looks like Katy Perry.
Meh:
- She & Him’s 2nd album. Hopes aren’t high for the 3rd one.
- Looks like Katy Perry.
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Anyway, the poll ran for a week and drumroll… you guys (and girls alike) have more hots for Zooey! But only by a little (5% difference).
Check out the poll results here!
