April 2009
23 posts
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#9: "Love At First Sight" - Kylie Minogue (2002)
At some point, Kylie gave me a “best friend’s hot older sister” kind of vibe. She was accessible yet out of your league, offering you cookies and Coke during your visits to said best friend’s house, taunting you with treats as if to compensate for the fact that you’ll never register a blip on her radar. To me, this was Kylie’s last hurrah before she...
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#8: "A Life Less Ordinary" - Ash (1997)
I can remember how much this music video blew me away. For one, it had cool cars that spewed colored smoke. Secondly, Ash had just only gotten Charlotte Hatherly on-board as their 2nd guitarist. I personally like bands that a low ugly quotient and with Tim Wheeler being the only remotely normal looking member next to the spare-wheel bassist and the drummer who looks like David Cross’ ugly...
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Steven Seagal plays the blues for you. Cheer up.
Hi, I’m Steven Seagal! You may recognize me as the ponytailed, Buddhist martial arts exponent who surprisingly moves like lightning, despite looking a bit like a Mexican plumber. Your dad likes my movies. While I may be known for my kung-fu, poor dress sense and inability to express more than 2 emotions per film, today, I’m gonna introduce you to my other non-talent - the ability to...
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Stuff I Want #1: Gun Camera, Swordbrellas
Franziska Dierschke’s gun camera: Brings a new meaning to “Point & Shoot”. Photos aren’t fantastic but can you argue with the experience of drawing a gun camera out of your side holster?
Umbrellas for the civil but discontent man: I want the “Conan the Barbarian” sword holster.
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Mr Show: Protesters
It’s fine if you’ve protested for cause you truly believe in once or twice in your life. Any more than that makes you a bit of an ass. You really should get a job.
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1000 Awesome Things →
It’s quite simply, a list of awesome things. My favourite:
#810: Returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of the night.
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Snob on your knob.
In some ways, we’re all snobs and elitists but we eventually grow out of that phase. Or at least we just get better at hiding our snobbery. At some point, we find boats that float the same way .
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#7: "Summer Girls" - LFO (1999)
What kind of fucked up name is “Lyte Funky Ones”? It’s the kind of name your pseudo-hip grandmother tried suggesting to you when you had your band meets in nana’s house over tea and biscuits. Thank you LFO - the 3 of you gave birth to the Kevin Federline template. All 3 douchebag looks in one video.
In 1999, I missed out on the first 2 months of Form 4.
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To Watch: The Brothers Bloom
Haven’t seen Rachel Weisz for a while - seems like she’ll steal the show in this one. Conmen, Russian mobsters and Rinko Kikuchi as a henchwoman. Hits the theatres late May 09.
[Official site]
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#6: "Special" - Garbage (1998)
I first saw “Stupid Girl” on Channel V way back when I had no armpit hair. I had a premature crush on Shirley Manson thanks to that misleading video - the type of deception you find on Facebook/Myspace profile pictures where girls post up high-contrast, black & white photos. Those are lies. Lies to hide their pimples and underbite. A few hit singles on, Shirley Manson (for me)...
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China MP3: Download (almost) any MP3 here! →
China is good for a lot things: manpower, population bragging rights, noodles, Yao Ming. It is also good for coming up with a pop-up free, MP3 downloading repository. It’s like a Rapidshare that’s protected by a Chinese condom.
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#5: "Breakdown" - Mariah Carey (1997)
This was the turning point when Mariah traded her denim jackets for diamente studded bras with underboobs. Despite not being able to decipher what she was singing about, it had one of those melodies that stick in your head. This MC-era also inspired thousands of gay men to get secret butterfly tatoos. 1997 was the last time I ever had to wear cotton trackpants.
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#4: "You're not alone" - Embrace (2000)
Ok, I’ll admit that Embrace don’t exactly fulfill the requirements of awesome bandsome. They all have poncey faces you feel like punching on sight. The singer has a nasal tone to his voice and probably wears chunky sweaters cos he thinks they’re cool but you’re not fooling us Danny McNamara - it’s just to hide the fact that you’re a chunky, sausage-chomping,...
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#3: "You're a God" - Vertical Horizon (2000)
Since the past week has been an absolute shit, I’ve decided to bless you all with this turd of a song by the Nickelback of the late 90’s. It’s stupid song Tuesday! Doesn’t he look like an total dickhead? “You’re a God and I am not..” who comes up with this shit? I really hope he was singing to a muscular, Nordic, half-dragon deity, not some blonde...
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#2: "I quit" - Hepburn (1999)
I first heard this song on the radio and immediately got won over by the Brit accent. I imagined Hepburn’s lead singer to be a younger, cuter, Audrey Hepburn lookalike only to discover that she looked like a MILF who had way too much plastic surgery.
Oh Channel V! How you’d robbed me of my pubescent fantasies!
In 1999, I had a thing for a girl in Sunday School who I recently...
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Guess who's back?
Yeah yeah, I know it seems like I’m jumping on the blogging bandwagon a little too late but I was blogging way before it evolved into some tacky, douchey past time where pretty, vacant (note the comma) girls got famous and made truckloads of money by posting semi-skanky photos of themselves partying at nightclubs or chilling by the pool in bikinis.
I recently found out that most of the...
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#1: "Celebrity Skin" - Hole (1998)
I used to hate Hole because Courtney Love seemed like a walking, breathing embodiment of tack, crass and dried pussy juice. Had they had broken into the scene in this day and age, I’d probably think they’re pretty cool given the shit played on the airwaves.
In 1998, I was battling with pimples.
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Grooveshark: non-crap music streaming site. →
Sometimes you wonder why bother with CDs, iPods or an MP3 library. One day, we’ll be perpetually connected to the internet via a modem in our ass and music will be streamed real time.
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Why I wouldn't mind hanging out with the Irish.
“I don’t know” by Lisa Hannigan - best use of newspaper as substitute for drums.